And All They Wanted Was Second Breakfast
by Headless Fruit Bat
Summary: A funny story written in the form of diary entries of Pippin and Merry that cover events before, during, and after the Lord of the Rings takes place. Very funny, please R&R! Ch.4 up.
1. The Curse of the Dishes

Disclaimer: No, I am not the brilliant genius who wrote _The Lord of the Rings, so all credit goes to John Ronald Reul Tolkien and his wonderful books.  If you haven't read them GO READ THEM NOW!  And Pippin and Merry, unfortunately, belong to him too.  *Sighs*_

A/N: This is the revised version because I made some spelling errors (I've always been hopeless with names) and also people gave me such a hard time about the birthday present thing so IT'S FIXED NOW!  Anyway please, please, please R&R.  I love getting reviews, even if they are mean.  

Title: And All They Wanted Was Second Breakfast

Shire, September 22, 3018, Morning.

Sunny morning.  I decided to go down to Buckland and visit Merry and as neither of us had any good ideas of what to do all day until Bilbo's party, we opted to torture the townspeople.  We leaned out the window of Brandy Hall with a bucket of water and drenched several unsuspecting ladies until one of the elders kicked us out and forced us to work in the kitchens for the remainder of the morning.  When we finally escaped we went down to the store and spent the last of my wages for this week on some pipe tobacco.  I had to hide it in a hole to stop Merry from smoking the whole lot then and there.  Unmannered, shortsighted little pest.  It's a wonder I put up with him at all.  Have to go get ready for the party now.  Merry and I want to steal some fireworks and learn to work them ourselves.  If we find out how to make them maybe we could start a business…

Peregrin Took

_Shire, __September 23, 3018__, Afternoon._

_I had a hangover all morning after Bilbo's party.  Remind me never to touch liquor again.  Pippin told me he had a wonderful headache medicine and fed me a spoonful of raw pepper.  Great blundering git.  It's a wonder I put up with him at all.  I spent all evening at Bilbo's scrubbing dishes because Gandalf caught Pip and I setting off a firework.  He claimed it was the biggest one, we set it off wrong, and it was a wonder no one was killed.  Have you ever heard anything so exaggerated and pessimistic?  Stupid beardy old man full of gloom and doom.  There is no escaping these stupid dishes.  I had to wash dishes yesterday morning as well.  I think I'm being haunted by the kitchen sink.  I think I'll go visit Pippin and tell him Farmer Maggot has a new crop of potatoes.  Wink, wink._

_Meriadoc Brandybuck_

Shire, September 26, 3018, Evening

I had a rather uneventful week except for being forced to wash dishes at Bilbo's party because Merry and I set off some stupid firework and Gandalf got his panties in a twist.  My poor hands will be scrubbing imaginary dishes in my sleep soon.  This evening Merry had a date with one of Sam Gamgee's cousins whose name is Violet.  They went to see the Hobbiton Players production of _There and Back Again_ only the ending had to be improvised because it is a story by Bilbo Baggins and he hasn't finished writing it yet.  I sat right behind them and they didn't even notice until they started kissing and I _accidentally_ spilled my glass of pumpkin juice all over them.  Vi had to go home and take a bath.  (I can't see why- baths are a waste of time and I never take them when I can avoid it.)  Merry left the theater with her in a very angry mood.  I stayed and finished watching the (very good) play in high spirits.  When I left to go home Merry kicked me in the stomach.  Talk about overreacting!  Lousy, ill-tempered spoilsport!  It's a wonder I put up with him at all.  I'm going over to Merry's house in the morning to make amends about the Violet incident and to tell him that I found the key to my uncle's wine cellar.  Wink, wink.  Hope he doesn't drink too much and have another hangover.  I'd have to give him some more of my very effective headache medicine.  

Peregrin Took

_Shire, __September 27, 3018__, Afternoon._

_Pippin ruined my date with Violet last night.  Disrespectful, nosy, jealous, ugly toad.  It's a wonder I put up with him at all.  He came around this morning trying to make amends and I ended up forgiving him when he helped me with the dishes.  I have dish duty again this week.  I think the Elders of Brandy Hall seriously need to rethink their priorities.  Just because I buried the crop sales record in the garden for a little game of treasure hunt with the kids they think they have a reason to give me dish duty for a month.  Sacrificing the poor delicate hands of their future leader all over a stupid row…  Pippin told me he found the key to his uncle's wine cellar but I refused to break in with him for fear of being fed raw pepper.  Pippin still maintains that it is an effective hangover medicine.  I asked him what did he think he was talking about I nearly choked and I felt like my throat and mouth were on fire.  _

_"Yes but your mind was quite clear while you were feeling these things wasn't it?" was his clever response.  Honestly!  In any case, Mr. Took's wine is safe for the time being because Pippin and I decided to organize swimming relay races for the kids in the __Brandywine__ river instead of raiding his cellars.  The races went well.  Brandybucks versus Tooks.  The fun ended when Sam Gamgee's old Gaffer discovered what we were doing and told the Elders of both families that we were endangering the lives of innocent children.  Load of  rubbish.  Stupid, ill-tempered arthritic old fart.  Wish I could shove a pound of pepper down his__ throat.  But I'm stuck doing dishes once again as is Pippin.  Is there no escape?_

_Meriadoc Brandybuck_

Shire, September 28, 3018, Evening.

It rained all day today so Merry and I braved the elements (covered by a large waterproof sheet) and rode his pony down to visit Frodo Baggins.  He's quite a nice chap but he can be a bit serious and even a little boring.  He's been rather depressed lately since the departure of old Bilbo, so we entertained him with stories of the crazy things we used to do in our innocent youths.  He laughed like a maniac and told us he highly doubted we've ever been innocent.  He got quite uncomfortable when we asked him how Bilbo pulled that wonderful disappearing trick at his party.  Merry and I are convinced Gandalf gave him some sort of magic Fairy Dust or something and we want to get him to sell us some so we can start our own magic act.  Merry thinks Vi will have him back if she sees him get famous on the stage.  She's been avoiding him so he's blaming me!  Have you ever heard anything so ridiculous?  Just because I ended their date with an innocent accident doesn't mean he should pick a fight with me.  Ill-humored, undeserving, fat, filthy, control freak.  It's a wonder I put up with him.  He hasn't washed behind his ears in over three weeks. AND he has a wart on his left foot.  He showed me last week.  He thinks that it has psychic powers and can predict the weather and crops and we should make a fortune telling booth and get rich so Vi will have him back.  His wart has predicted that Farmer Maggot will have a fresh crop of carrots and cabbages in three days.  He's an old loon if you ask me but I'm not one to stand up an opportunity for nicking food from Maggot.  It's become quite a sport for us.  I wonder if Vi will find a Professional Thief attractive?  I really wish she wasn't angry with Merry.  I'm getting sick of hearing his crazy ideas to get her back.

Peregrin Took


	2. The Great Long Legged One

Disclaimer:  Everything belongs to Tolkien.  But my soul belongs to God.  But everything else belongs to Tolkien.  

A/N:  Well here's the next chapter.  It covers Bree and the journey to Rivendell.  My spell check is having a fit because it doesn't know how to spell any of these names or places.  I head meant to post sooner, but I got a bit side tracked… trying to learn Elvish… thank you Kelly, for launching this new obsession.  Thanks so much to everyone who reviewed!  I love you all!

Chapter 2: The Great Long-Legged One 

Bree, Inn of the Prancing Pony, 29 September, 3018, Evening.  

I had a very interesting day today.  I woke up, tried to eat breakfast but was immediately banished to the kitchen to do dishes instead because the Elders are still sore about the relay races Merry and I organized for the kids.  I don't see why they are so upset.  The kids had a wonderful time and there was only_ one_ injury!  And he who was injured wasn't even a child- he was Merry.  When Sam's stupid old Gaffer caught us he hit Merry with his walking stick.  Grouchy old grump.  Anyway, when I finished with the dishes Merry and I went on an excursion to check out this carrot and cabbage crop his fortune-telling wart was talking about.  We were just innocently gathering some vegetables when all of a sudden we heard Maggot's wretched old dogs and had to make a run for it.  Then, who should we bump into but Frodo Baggins and Sam Gamgee!  (Merry is reading this over my shoulder and wishes to add that I _literally_ bumped into them.  I told him to go write it in his own journal.  Annoying, nosy little bugger.  It's a wonder I put up with him at all!)  Anyway, we made a very narrow escape, Sam accidentally pushed us down a hill, but it turned out we had merely made a shortcut to MUSHROOMS!  But we didn't get to concentrate on the mushrooms for long, because Frodo announced at random that we needed to get out of the road.  So we were hiding underneath a tree when this horrible nightmare creature came up right behind us and began to sniff.  I've never been so scared in my life.  Even the bugs in the tree tried to run away.  It was completely cloaked in black and was riding a black horse.  We were luckily able to distract it by throwing a bag away from us.  We continued to run into these horrible creatures all afternoon, but it got worse because as it turns out they are MUCH scarier at night and when it got dark the four of us were still wandering about the Shire and STOP READING OVER MY SHOULDER, MERRY, I AM GOING TO PUNCH YOU.  Frodo and Sam told us that they needed to get out of the Shire and get to Bree.  We had to take them to the Buckleberry Ferry and we were nearly killed by one of the Black Riders on the dock.  Our exciting adventure led us to Bree where Frodo got us all a room at the Prancing Pony.  I have officially decided that exciting adventures are much nicer in stories.  I am in no rush to see those horsemen again.

            On a brighter note, Merry introduced me to a new drink today.  It's called a pint.  I've never tasted anything so good.  These Bree folk sure know how to brew drinks!  I wonder why they don't have it at the Green Dragon.  Perhaps Merry and I could open our own pub and serve them.  I am going to go get another and maybe one for Frodo.  He and Sam are looking rather depressed and solemn.  I hope they don't get nightmares from those Black Riders!  I'd have to introduce them to my very effective nightmare medicine…

Peregrin Took

_Bree__, __Inn_ of the Prancing Pony, ___29 September, 3018__, Night.  _

_I think Sam is still sore about that time Pippin and I tried to climb up to the top of the highest building in town and we fell off and landed on him and Frodo.  He refuses to play tic-tac-toe with me.  _

_"Now is NOT the time, Merry," he keeps saying.  I don't know what he's talking about.  No better time for a game of tic-tac-toe than when you're hiding in the room of a perfect stranger in an inn that is being invaded by Black Riders that want to kill you.  It takes your mind off of things.  Anyhow, after being chased around the Shire by a bunch of Nightmare Creatures that Sam and Frodo have christened the Black Riders, we arrived at Bree and I was innocently trying to get Pippin drunk (so I could feed him some raw pepper) when Frodo was abducted by a rascally looking hooded man carrying a sword.  Sam, Pip and I valiantly followed the villain in question up to his room where we were told that he was a friend of Gandalf's.  So much for tales of my heroics to tell to Violet.  She's still not speaking to me, thanks to that senseless, smelly slime-ball I call a best friend.  It's a wonder I put up with him at all.  This man, who is much too big (and dirty) for my liking, is supposedly known as Strider.  I didn't like him at all but it looks like Frodo is going to trust him because he instructed us to hide in his room and stuff pillows under the sheets of the beds in our room and soon after the Black Riders arrived.  He told us we should get our rest "gentlemen."  Honestly, who uses that word?  Gentlemen?  We've got a regular old loon on our hands, how can he expect us to sleep with those horrible things infesting the inn?  I think I'll go ask Pip for a game of tic-tac-toe.  That's another thing!  You should have seen Strider's face when I asked him for a game of tic-tac-toe... _

_Meriadoc Brandybuck_

In the Wilderness, 30 October, 3018, Evening.

I have no idea how I managed to get to sleep last night but I must have because I woke up to find I was still in Strider's room, everyone else was wide awake, and they were making plans to leave the village as soon as possible.  Why does no one ever wake me up when important decisions are being made?  (Merry, who is reading this over my shoulder says, "That's a loaded question, Pip."  Disrespectful, unfaithful, ugly brute.  It's a wonder I put up with him at all.)  However, these plans were drawn to a halt when it was discovered that all of the horses in town had gone missing, with the exception of one sick, underfed pony, which Bill Ferny sold to us for three times its fair cost.  All in all, spirits were not high as Strider practically dragged us out of Bree into the wilderness to take us to Rivendell.  (Frodo says, "What are you talking about Pippin, your spirits are _always_ ridiculously high."  What is this, a conspiracy?  Let's all just read over Pippin's shoulder!  Don't mind if this is his _private_ journal for his _private thoughts.  [A/N: At this point Sam says, "What, you mean he _thinks_?"  And Pippin just glares and bends farther over the journal to hide it from view.])  We had to walk through brambles and long, itchy grass all day today, and we weren't even allowed to stop for meals!  I thought I was going to starve.  I had no second breakfast, elevensies, luncheon, afternoon tea, or dinner.  And anytime I made the tiniest little squeak about being hungry, Frodo or Sam would say, "You're _always_ hungry Pippin."  On the bright side, I found a salamander by a pond today, around the time I __should have been eating afternoon tea.  I put him in a damp leaf and kept him in my pocket.  I have decided to name him Merry Junior after Merry, who is still sore about the Violet incident.  _

Peregrin Took

_In a Stinking Buggy Marsh, 31, 3018, Evening._

_We spent all day trekking through a marsh, with freezing cold, muddy water well past my knees.  The marsh doesn't smell very pleasant and besides the awful squirmy things in the water, there are swarms of nasty bugs who seem to think that hobbits are an excellent feast.  Pippin fell face-first into the water and swore he saw a pike.  Strider told him not to be ridiculous, pike are found only in the sea!  Pippin seemed slightly disappointed.  We are currently camped out in the dark.  We were all very hungry so Strider went out and killed a deer.  The sight of the pathetic dead animal seriously unnerved me but I was too hungry to say anything.  Sam wasn't.  He asked Strider how could he possibly expect him to eat an animal that might have a wife and children waiting for him at home?   Strider just glared at him and said that deer don't have wives.  I counted all my bug bites after dinner, but stopped after twenty six because Sam's snores were distracting me and I have never been clever with numbers anyway.  Pippin saw what I was doing and asked if I would like some of his very effective bug-bite cure?  I bet it's raw pepper!  Annoying, stupid pest!  It's a wonder I put up with him at all!  Pippin and Sam have already drifted off to dreamland but Frodo and I can't sleep because Strider is singing some strange song.  I do wish he'd shut up.  He doesn't have the best of voices and I need my strength for tomorrow.  _

_Meriadoc Brandybuck _

Weathertop, 6 October, 3018, Night

We had another long march through itchy grass today.  I have a blister on my foot poor sensitive foot.  When I told this to Merry he asked what was I talking about my feet aren't sensitive they are big, smelly, and hairy.  I decided to ignore his lack of insight and bear my pain in silence.  Then Merry asked me would I like some raw pepper?  Since it is such a wonderful cure-all?  Witless, insensitive cow.  It's a wonder I put up with him at all!  Merry Junior made friends with a lady salamander this afternoon.  I left him with her in a nice damp spot, but not before making a big production of naming the lady salamander Violet and marrying them, which I made sure the real Merry had to hear.  Merry threw his apple at me and hit me in the head.  That is the second apple that has hit me on the head on this stupid journey.  I must be jinxed.  We are currently camped out on the top of some giant rock which Strider (whom I decided to call The Great Long-Legged One after today's march) claims was once a great watch tower.  I think the man is delusional.  Frodo has finally stopped reading over my shoulder and gone to sleep.  The Great Long-Legged One is "having a look around."  Sam and Merry are roasting tomatoes and sausages.  I think I'll go join them.  

Peregrin Took

_Somewhere in the Wilderness, __7 October, 3018_, Morning__

_I don't think I've ever had such an eventful night as last (and that includes the time Pippin and I accidentally set fire to one of the Elder's beds in Brandy Hall at Midnight on New Years when we were 16).  Pippin, Sam and I were innocently roasting tomatoes and sausages when Frodo woke up, yelled at us that we were fools (where have I heard that one before?) and that the Black Riders would find us if they saw the smoke from the fire.  Unfortunately he was right, and before I knew it the four of us were cornered on the top of this ancient watch tower in the middle of the night, surrounded by Black Riders with swords trying to get at Frodo.  I put up a brilliant fight before the Riders thought to team up and subdue me. Well, maybe it was not that much of a brilliant fight, but I'm sure Pip wouldn't object to telling Violet that it was.   Frodo was stabbed, and we were all saved by Strider, who appeared just in the nick of time, bearing a sword and a flaming torch, to chase the villains away!  Now that I think of it, it makes a wonderful story, but at the time I was scared enough to wet myself.  Honestly.  After the incident with the Black Riders, Strider said that we had to get Frodo to Rivendell because only elves could heal Frodo's wound.  When we were in the middle of the dark forest, he and Sam left to find some plant that would slow the poison in Frodo's cut.  Pippin made the mistake of looking at the bloody wound and threw up all over my feet.  Senseless, prodding moron.  It's a wonder I put up with him at all.  When I was just in the middle of yelling at him this pretty elf lady showed up and talked to both Frodo and Strider in Elvish so the rest of us had no idea what she was saying.  Then she rode off with Frodo on her horse, despite Sam's loud protests about there being Black Riders still out there and Mr. Frodo might get hurt.  At the moment Pippin, Sam, Strider and I are camped out in the wilderness waiting for the horses that the elf lady promised to send us.  We were discussing how pretty the elf lady was but wisely chose to stop when Sam noticed the poisonous looks Strider was giving us.  Pippin thinks Strider fancies the pretty elf lady.  Sam says he would have a better chance at her if he washed himself.  Pippin asked Sam what did he know about it he still hasn't managed to get Rosie?  Pippin and Sam are no longer on speaking terms.  Aragorn is smoking his pipe.  I am very bored._

_Meriadoc Brandybuck_

A/N:  That wasn't as long as I had hoped but I don't have much time to write because I am back at school.  I have already started the next chapter which covers the entire stay in Rivendell and I hope to have it posted sometime next week.  Please R&R this chapter I worked really hard on it!  I am also looking for a beta-reader, preferably someone familiar with LOTR, so if you are interested please email me.  __


	3. Fool of a Took Count

Disclaimer: Don't own it.  L

Rivendell, 21 October, 3018, Afternoon

We're staying at the House of Elrond and guess who's here… Gandalf!  I talked to him this morning while he was having his coffee and was just beginning to scold him for not meeting us at the Prancing Pony as he had promised when I was interrupted with a loud "I was delayed by matters above your comprehension, fool of a Took!"  Decided Gandalf is still sore about the firework incident and I shouldn't bother him while he is drinking his coffee in the future.  Not a very interesting morning.  I lost seventeen consecutive games of tic-tac-toe to Merry and decided to leave it at that.  No teaching the Great Long-Legged One to play tic-tac-toe today.  I am very bored.  Frodo still hasn't come round, but the elves are working on healing him.  This elvish medicine sounds a bit risky to me.  I swear a spoonful of pepper would do the trick, but Gandalf won't let me anywhere near Frodo's room.  Seems to be under the mistaken impression that I invite disaster to follow me wherever I go.  Decided not to correct him as he is still in a bad temper.  Wizards can be so touchy!  Merry (who still insists on reading over my shoulder) says yes and his touchiness can be matched only by my idiocy.  Evil, unappreciative little maggot!  It's a wonder I put up with him at all!  I caught him reading my journal yesterday and drawing rude pictures in the margins.  In other news, the Great Long-Legged One has finally washed himself.  

Peregrin Took

_Rivendell__, _24 October, 3018___, Lunchtime_

_Frodo woke up today!  Sam is very pleased; I think he was getting sick of Pippin and I.  He thinks we're a pack of old nutters.  He just doesn't have a good sense of humor.  Although maybe he is right about Pippin being nutters.  I caught him filling my pipe with pepper today as revenge for me reading his journal all the time.  Greasy, romp-fed rabbit-sucker.  He seems to think that his journal is for his private thoughts.  If he is capable of writing private thoughts he should be able to find a better place to hide his stupid journal than under his pillow!  And the pepper fixation is getting old.  We had a nice little reunion with Frodo today who was perfectly energetic and cheerful but we quickly made ourselves scarce when he and Sam began to pour over Mr. Bilbo's book.  Neither of us are particularly fond of reading long stories.  We both prefer to have them told to us so we can doze off whenever the mood strikes us.  So Pippin and I are going off in search of some more interesting thing to do this afternoon.  But first we are going to have some lunch.  Now that we are in Rivendell we are making up for all the meals we missed while traveling with Strider._

_Meriadoc Brandybuck_

Rivendell, 24 October, 3018, Night

Spent the afternoon wandering around Rivendell with Merry as Frodo was reading Bilbo's book and Sam is still angry with me.  I am getting quite tired of being mistaken for a child and having elves pat me on the head and call me "little one."  Was not spirited by Gandalf's comment that considering the thousands of years these elves have lived, I am a child.  I decided to steer clear of Gandalf for a while so Merry and I went to explore the gardens.  We found a vegetable patch and were have a nice game of catch (which grew steadily louder and more rough and tumble) until we were forcibly removed by a very harassed looking Glorfindel.  He's been in an awful mood lately, trying to organize some council thing, but that's no reason to take it out on innocent hobbits!  If he's so bent on peace and quiet he should go work elsewhere!  Anyway, in an effort to get as far away from grumpy old Glorfindel as possible we went off in search for another place to continue our game.  We found a very pretty, quiet sort of deserted garden with a bridge across a sort of pond.  We thought it would be quite fun if we played kill-the-carrier on the bridge and tried to push each other into the water.  But we quickly found out that the bridge was already occupied by Strider and the pretty elf lady (whose name is Arwen), who luckily didn't notice us… because they were so busy kissing.  Merry whispered wouldn't it be funny if we went and pushed them in just like that?  But neither of us were brave enough, so we got out of there, fast.  Then I went to find Sam and tell him maybe he was right about Strider getting the elf-lady if he washed himself. 

Peregrin Took

_Rivendell__, _25 October, 3018___, Lunchtime_

_Gandalf is in a sour mood today.  Pippin accidentally knocked over his coffee with his elbow at breakfast and it spilled all over his gigantic beard, thereby forcing the old fellow to take a bath, clearly something he is not fond of doing.  I have decided to start counting the times Gandalf calls Pip a "Fool of a Took."  So far today the count has reached six.  Mentioning this to Pippin didn't turn out to be such a wonderful idea.  He told me I was being nosy and he was off in search of more intelligent company.  Ha!  He's one to talk of intelligence!  Distempered, clay-brained canker-blossom!  It's a wonder I put up with him at all!  Anyway, his search was not in vain because he managed to discover that Elrond is having some secret council and we're not invited.  Pippin thought it would be funny if we crashed it, but I managed to convince him (in a rather Gandalf-like tone, just to spite him) that crashing elf councils is not the same as crashing hobbit parties and that "spying will be quite enough, Peregrin Took."  This just set him off in another bad mood so in order to cheer him up we spent the rest of the morning spying on Strider and his elfy girlfriend.  Pippin thinks we should be professional spies when we grow up.  I decided not to point out that we are grown up, as he spends most of his time acting like a troublesome ten year old anyway._

Meriadoc Brandybuck

Rivendell, 25 October, 3018, Evening

Today Elrond held a secret council meeting (the one that Glorfindel has been worrying about all week) and Merry and I weren't invited.  Merry wouldn't let me crash it (Petulant, nosy spoilsport!  It's a wonder I put up with him at all!  And he's been reading my journal again.) so I had to content myself with spying.  Found out quite a lot, but not much that I actually understood.  I did make out that the Black Riders who have been following us are servants of a Dark Lord who lives near an Evil Volcano called Mount Doom.  They are after a Ring of Power which Frodo is carrying.  Although I didn't figure out how a little band of metal can destroy the world.  Frodo volunteered to take the Ring of Power and throw it into the Evil Volcano and Strider, Sam, Gandalf and some strange people swore to come with him and protect him, so Merry and I ran out of our (very clever) hiding place and told everyone that we were coming, too.  Don't think Gandalf was too pleased.  The most interesting piece of news I gained from the council is that Strider actually has a real name.  Aragorn son of Arathorn.  I knew no one would name their son Strider.  

Peregrin Took

_Rivendell__, _28 October, 3018___, Morning_

_"Fool of a Took" count has reached 11 and it isn't even __eleven o'clock__ yet!  Decided it must have something to do with the fact that Pippin has been bothering him all morning trying to look at maps and hear plans and things.  Stupid Pippin.  I suggested he should try bothering someone else for a while, and he told me to go drown myself!  Hideous, motley-minded hempseed!  It's a wonder I put up with him at all.  I spent most of the morning playing tic-tac-toe with Sam and Frodo.  I lost every single game.  Everyone is being so solemn its beginning to scare me.  I think I'll go make amends with Pippin. _

_Meriadoc Brandybuck_


	4. In the Middle of Nowhere

Disclaimer: Don't own it.

A/N: Once again, sorry this took so long. I am not very good about posting, am I? I probably wouldn't have even gotten around to writing this today except that I am snowed in and can't go to Geoffrey's house. :`( I think God is trying to punish me. He waits until we have a day off school for a long weekend and THEN the skies open up and we can hardly walk out the door there is so much snow. 

Middle of Nowhere, 25 December, 3018, Night

We left Rivendell today and I had the worst day of my life thus far.  Although we definitely stayed in Rivendell for much too long, I miss having a nice bed and lots of food.  Our company includes Frodo Baggins, Samwise Gamgee, Gandalf,  Strider (who is actually Aragorn son of Arathorn), Boromir son of Denethor (of Gondor),  Legolas of the Woodland Realm, and Gimli son of Gloin.  Quite a mouthful.  What names!  And then there's me and Merry.  We marched all day today without stopping for meals.  I have a blister on my foot and seven mosquito bites.  Gandalf called me a "Fool of a Took" again.  Boromir keeps calling Frodo, Sam, Merry and I "Little Ones."  Don't particularly like Boromir as being patted on the head is very degrading.  And he can't tell me apart from Merry.  Legolas and Gimli argued all day long, nonstop.  Legolas acts very superior and Gimli is rather loud and ill-tempered.  Merry put pepper in my pipe.  Pernicious, eye-offending clotpole.  It's a wonder I put up with him at all.  Maybe joining this stupid "Fellowship" wasn't such a good idea after all.  I am thinking of sticking pepper in Boromir's water canteen.  

Peregrin Took

_Middle of Nowhere, __27 December, 3018__, Night___

_Strider caught Pippin putting pepper in Boromir's water canteen this morning. Boromir is mad at Pippin. Gandalf is mad at Pippin. Sam is mad at Pippin. Strider is mad at Pippin. That leaves just Frodo and I to be his friends. And Legolas and Gimli, who are too busy being mad at each other to be mad at Pippin. I was feeling rather sorry for Pippin until he found an apple tree and threw an apple at me and hit me in the head. I have a large bump on my head now. He insists it's not his fault that I can't catch. Knavish, lily-livered malignancy! It's a wonder I put up with him at all._

_Meriadoc Brandybuck_

Middle of Nowhere, 30 December, 3018, Night

I had a nice little chat with Boromir today while we were marching. He told me all about Gondor, the country he is from, his father and his brother Faramir. Once you get him going he's actually quite a talker. Apparently his father's name is Denethor and he is the Steward of Gondor. Faramir is a Captain and everyone loves him to death except for Denethor because nothing is ever good enough for Denethor. Denethor sounds slightly mental to me. So I started telling Boromir about the Shire and me and Merry's long and fruitful career as mischief-makers. Boromir spent most of his childhood learning about history and sword-fighting and geography and doing whatever his father told him to! He has never set off a stolen firework, pushed anyone into a river, crashed a cart into a tree when racing on a closed off road, stolen vegetables, dipped a girl's hair in ink, stolen a wine cellar key, fed someone raw pepper or dumped popcorn all over his best friend and his best friend's date at a play! In fact he has never been to a play and doesn't even have a best friend besides his brother. Poor Boromir. No wonder he turned out like he did. I have decided to forgive him for patting me on the head and calling me "little one." I explained to him how to tell the difference between Merry and I. (I am handsome and Merry is ugly.) Unfortunately Merry is still being sore about getting hit on the head with an apple and isn't speaking to me. Haughty, eye-offending rampallion. It's a wonder I put up with him at all.

Peregrin Took

_In some forest, 31 December, 3018, Middle of the Night_

_There was a slight catastrophe tonight because Aragorn suggested that we needed a night watch and we should all take turns. The first problem came up when it was decided that the hobbits, especially Frodo, shouldn't have watch alone. The obvious thing to do was pair up Frodo with Sam and Pippin with me. But when Gandalf found out that Pippin and I planned to be night watch together he muttered something that sounded suspiciously like "It would be safer to invite all the orcs in Mordor to tea." So I got landed with Legolas and Gandalf himself is partnered with Pippin. Pippin isn't pleased. Frodo and Sam get to be night watch together. No fair. Anyway, that's what I am doing now, sitting watch with Legolas and I can hardly see because the fire is so small. We only have a little while until we get to wake up Strider. It is very difficult to have a conversation with Legolas. I tried to start one about two hours ago by asking where he was from. He told me he was from "a forest far away from here where the leaves of the ancient trees are so thick, the sun can scarcely shine through…" I suggested that he might have been a poet instead of a warrior. Legolas gave me a poisonous look. Rather touchy he is. Silence for a while, while Legolas sulked. I broke the silence by asking him how he kept his hair so perfectly straight. He asked me if I had ever heard of a "lovely little invention called the hairbrush." I shut up for a while, but I kept thinking that I have never once seen Legolas brush his hair and I doubt he even brought a brush with him. I decided that it must be some Elvish magic that keeps his hair like that. I finally got him talking when I asked him what kind of tree we were sitting under. He gave me a detailed and rather poetic description of each and every tree in sight and was about to start on the flowers when I changed the subject by asking him what elves do for fun. Apparently they like making up songs, drinking wine, archery, and girls. I told him hobbits preferred ale but also like songs and girls. I also gave him a nice history of pipe weed (which he listened to very politely before telling me that elves don't smoke) and told him some of me and Pippin's past adventures driving people crazy and he looked like he was trying very hard not to laugh. He told me that elves have a holiday called Sheelala in early spring and they play a lot of practical jokes on that day. He once put pepper in his father's wine on this day. Pippin would get along wonderfully with Legolas. Earlier today he put pepper in my hair. Peevish, onion-eyed snipe. It's a wonder I put up with him at all. At least that was the last of his pepper. Right now I am writing and he is standing a little ways of humming a very strange tune, looking off into the distance. Legolas is very queer. At least he has a better voice than Strider. Speaking of, it's time to wake up Strider. Maybe we can pour water on his head…_

_Meriadoc Brandybuck_

Middle of Nowhere, 1 January, 3019, Before Dawn

I got stuck doing night watch with Gandalf. What a way to spend New Year's Eve.  Why do I have such terrible luck? Merry says he doesn't blame Gandalf for wanting to keep an eye on me. Jaded, muddy-mettled dogfish. It's a wonder I put up with him at all. Anyway, when Gandalf woke me up it was still dark and I still have to sit with him until it's time to wake everyone else up. Spent most of the night watch sitting next to Gandalf in silence. I realized that when you go on an expedition with a company of men, there is an awful lot of noise at night. Every single one of us snores except for Legolas, Frodo, and surprisingly, The Great Long-Legged One. I suppose you have to learn to sleep quietly if you're a Ranger so that your enemies won't creep up on you when you are sleeping in the wilderness. There was only one small catastrophe tonight, when I thought I heard an orc and I jumped up and took out my dagger only to find it was a rabbit. Gandalf reprimanded me a bit for that, but other than that he has only called me a "fool of a Took" twice and he also taught me how to make a good paper airplane (with a page from this book) and how to blow a proper smoke ring. Maybe Gandalf isn't so bad after all. He snores too, though.

Peregrin Took

_Middle of Nowhere, __3 January, 3019__, Night_

_Another long march today.__ Pippin was socializing with Legolas and Boromir and left me all alone, some best friend he is. Prating, shrill-gorged scantling. It's a wonder I put up with him at all. Anyway, while the social butterfly was making the rounds (I swear he sees this whole thing as one big outing) I decided to bother Strider for a while. It wasn't a very interesting afternoon because Strider doesn't say much and when he does it usually goes right over my head. So after about an hour of unsuccessful prodding I finally thought to ask him how he knows Arwen._

_"Old friends" my Aunt Lobelia.___

_Strider isn't a very good liar. I decided not to mention that I'd seen them kissing because this "blade that was broken and has been re-forged" is quite big and sharp. But I was lucky to think of it because it was the one thing that really whipped him into a verbal frenzy. I got to hear all about the shards of Narsil (finally figured out what those are- Narsil was the blade that was broken, shards of Narsil are the pieces, and the re-forged blade is Anduril. Sound confusing enough?) and Isildur and generally about the history of Gondor. I now know more than I ever wanted to know about all of these things. I was just a little bit relieved when Strider suddenly went into another one of his silent, brooding moods and suddenly became very tight lipped. I went off to talk to Frodo and Sam, but they were very full of gloom and doom and I started to get depressed. So that is why I spent the better part of the afternoon listening to Gimli rant and rave about how arrogant elves can be._

_Meriadoc Brandybuck_

Middle of Nowhere (for a change), 8 January, 3019, Night

This entry has to be short because The Great Long-Legged One has first watch tonight and I think he might be reading over my shoulder. Today Boromir tried to teach us to swordfight, so we returned the favor by teaching him and Strider some of our famous wresting moves. Hobbits aren't completely defenseless. Anyway, Saruman sent some ugly crows to spy on us so Gandalf has decided that we must climb a cold snowy mountain tomorrow as an alternate route. I can't stop thinking about my nice wooly mittens sitting in their drawer back home. 

I have night watch with Gimli tonight. Now that should be interesting.

Peregrin Took

A/N: Please R&R!!!! I know it was a little weirder than usual. And I didn't make up Sheelala but it didn't come the most reliable of sources so feel free to correct me if you know more about it than I do.


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